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Toastmaster Magazine November 2024
Toastmaster Magazine November 2024

November 2024
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The Jokes Are In!

Members from around the world show off their sense of humor.

By Shannon Dewey


Yellow tears of joy emoji

The Toastmaster magazine recently asked for your best jokes, one-liners, puns, or funniest speech openings. Get ready for some laughs, giggles, and groans from fellow Toastmasters.


Seeing Red

While driving home from my Toastmasters meeting, I was stopped by the police. The officer accused me of going through a red light. I explained to the officer that I’m a Toastmaster, so I have a 30-second grace period after the red.

Susan Schulz, DTM • Melbourne, Florida


So Punny

What do you call a sheep who makes pancakes and waffles? A battering ram.

Michael S. Cohen • Commack, New York


Fear of Being Called On

I believed that the scariest person in the world was my wife … until I met the Table Topicsmaster.

S. Krishanthan • Doha, Qatar


Mother Knows Best

My 80-year-old mom said to me: “When going out, go to a pub where they have Wi-Fi.”

I said: “How come?”

She said: “It is like in the old days ... in those types of pubs they have a ‘Wireless Interest For the Individual.’”

Ivan Letar • Hasselt, Belgium


Food for Thought

What do you call friends you like to eat with? Taste buds.

Joey Thai • Washington


Class Is in Session

When I was teaching middle school, one of the math teachers told me about a recent class. She was explaining that a negative number plus a negative number always equals a negative number. A negative number plus a positive number always equals a negative number. A positive number plus a positive number always equals a positive number.

Then she got off track. She told the class that in linguistics, a double negative remains a negative. And a positive word plus a positive word, in any language, will always equal a positive word. There was a long pause, then someone from the back of the room said … “Yeah right.”

Angie Collier • Floresville, Texas


A Couple of Groaners

If I made videos about potatoes and yams, I’d be a YouTuber.

and

I was scrolling through news articles and read this ­headline: “Researchers Discover Best Way to Avoid Procrastination.” I haven’t gotten around to reading the article yet.

Tova Morrison • Goleta, California


Toastmasters on the Silver Screen
  • 12 Angry Toastmasters: A classic film from 1957 about the aftermath of a speech contest.
  • The Devil Wears Prada and Speaks For More Than 7m 30s: Now that’s pure evil.
  • Star Wars: The Grammarian: It’s a lot like The Mandalorian but with no dangling participles or crutch words.

Mike Proudlock, DTM • Caledon, Ontario, Canada


Setting the Stage

What did the director say to the stage? “You are holding up the show!”

Clifford Bishop • La Mirada, California


Kids Say the Darndest Things

There are some questions that don’t have any answers, specifically when kids ask. I love watching the comedy talk show The Kapil Sharma Show. Most of the time I watch in my kitchen just before I go to sleep. One night, my 5-year-old son asked me a question that shocked me to the core.

Son: “Mom, you love watching Kapil so much, right?”

Me: “Yes dear, I love.” (I said with a light smile in my eyes.)

My son’s face looked worried, and he whispered in my ear, “Does Dad know about this?”

Bhuvi Bubachandran • Kuala Belait, Brunei


Yea or Neigh?

Once there was a little pony who joined Toastmasters. He had to go onstage, but his throat was bothering him. With encouragement he went onto the stage, and looking at the audience he said … I’m a little hoarse.

Rasana Boyal • Fresno, California



“Speech

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