Fix Your Fear of Speaking

If you’re afraid of public speaking, have no fear—it’s one of the most common phobias. You’ve probably heard the saying that most people fear public speaking more than they fear death. And that’s true to an extent—nearly everyone has an impending fear of death; however, public speaking is something we all face having to do on a regular, even daily, basis.

Estimates suggest that around three-quarters of the general population report some level of anxiety about public speaking. An estimated 15-30% of them have a formal diagnosis of public speaking anxiety.

That fear of public speaking is called glossophobia, and having it can prevent you from participating in activities, receiving promotions at work, and even being able to converse individually.

The good news is there are steps you can take to combat this fear. But first, it helps to understand where the anxiety is coming from. Often, it reflects a worry of being perceived negatively by others or embarrassing yourself. From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense.

Back in the Stone Age, the only way you could survive and not get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger was by being part of a group. As soon as you left the group, you became vulnerable, and your chances of survival diminished rapidly. This meant you had to do everything you could to keep in harmony with the group. Standing out in any way was potentially dangerous.

Fast-forward a few thousand years: Speaking in front of an audience and sharing your thoughts and ideas makes you stand out. It is the same vulnerable feeling your ancestors had when they were alone in the wilderness.

When you’re up there alone, your reptilian brain—the oldest part of your brain, the part in charge of basic survival functions—rings the alarm bells. Those bells cause you to start sweating and your heart to start pounding; your fight-or-flight mechanism kicks in and soon you are scanning the room for the fastest escape route.

As a social psychologist, this is fascinating to me. We have come such a long way as a species. We invented big metal tubes that fly through the air and transport us from New York to Europe, yet the most primal mechanisms in our brains are still running the show.

In my coaching practice, I regularly work with clients who suffer from public speaking anxiety. How they are affected varies wildly: from a slight nervousness, to getting the jitters and sweaty hands, all the way to complete blackouts.

A little bit of nervousness or even anxiety before you speak is actually fine. It is a healthy response by which your brain signals, Hey, there is something important going on here. Pay attention! This physiological response helps you stay focused and alert. And that’s also the reason why seasoned speakers still experience the jitters before going onstage. They help!

It’s only when these responses get out of hand and become debilitating that nervousness becomes a problem.

Overcoming Your Fear

Luckily, there are ways to harness those nerves and use them for good rather than grief.

Here are four practical tools—two you can use right away, and two that take more time—to calm your nervous system and help you refocus:

1. 

   Pattern Interrupts

   When you feel your nerves ramping up, try practicing what is called a pattern interrupt. The renowned hypnotherapist Milton Erickson is credited with popularizing the term and its usage, and helped his clients use pattern interrupts to immediately disrupt unwanted behavior or thought patterns.

   Imagine you are about to go onstage and suddenly your mind goes haywire: Why am I doing this? I didn’t prepare enough. This is going to be horrible!

   Now is the time for a pattern interrupt!

   
   

   How it works:

   A pattern interrupt can be anything that startles your brain long enough (just milliseconds) to create a gap in the pattern, which you can use to redirect your focus.

   Some of the most common ways to shake your thoughts up are:

   • Holding out your hand and literally yelling at your anxiety, “Stop!”
   • Clapping your hands and shaking your body
   • Snapping a rubber band around your wrist

   You can use any method that works for you. You just want to interrupt the pattern and tell your brain to focus back on your speech.

   
   

   When to use it:

   Whenever you catch your mind engaging in negative self-talk or thinking.

2. 

   The Superman/Wonder Woman Pose

   In 2010, social psychologist Amy Cuddy popularized the idea of using power poses as a quick confidence builder.

   The idea is simple: You want to feel more confident immediately? Strike a power pose!

   
   

   How it works:

   Find a quiet place, preferably with a mirror. Place your fists on your hips, chest out, shoulders back, chin up. Put a smile on your face. Hold this pose for two minutes while gazing into the mirror. You will actually feel your emotions shift from feeling nervous and insecure to confident and strong.

   
   

   When to use it:

   Whenever you feel doubts creeping in or your confidence eroding, adjust your posture to a power stance.

3. 

   Mental Rehearsal

   While this technique needs more time to work, it is still very powerful.

   Your brain cannot distinguish between reality and vivid imagination. That means it’s easy to trick it by visualizing yourself doing something successfully, like giving a speech with confidence and skill. By regularly rehearsing a scenario mentally before it happens, your mind learns it isn’t anything to fear. So if you want to calm your nerves before a big talk, mentally rehearse yourself thriving onstage … over and over and over again.

   
   

   How it works:

   You should still rehearse your speech out loud several times before you step onstage. Practice saying it out loud to yourself, present it to friends, or entertain your dog with it.

   In addition, rehearse it mentally. Simply close your eyes and imagine yourself giving your talk. What do you look like? How do you feel? (Hint: You want to imagine you feel incredibly confident.) Imagine the audience locked in on you, fascinated by your speech.

   By the time you actually do step onstage, your brain knows: We’ve done this before. Easy peasy. Nothing to be afraid of!

   
   

   When to use it:

   This is a great technique to use when you have several weeks to prepare for a speech. Rehearse it in your mind until you feel really comfortable with it.

4. 

   Toastmasters

   The vast majority of people who join Toastmasters do so to overcome public speaking anxiety. It’s a proven program that has helped millions learn to speak with confidence in a variety of situations, leading to improved relationships, professional advances, and new opportunities.

   Of course, you need to do more than just attend meetings to reap the full benefits—you need to actually take advantage of opportunities to speak as often as possible, through meeting roles, speaker roles, and evaluations.

   
   

   How it works:

   Toastmasters uses the principles of exposure therapy to overcome the fear of public speaking. That is, you are gradually exposed to the very thing you dread most.

   Every time you speak at a meeting, your brain learns that what it fears is actually not dangerous. You can practice speaking in a completely safe space, among people who understand your fears. You step into your discomfort with a support group that provides constructive feedback.

   
   

   When to use it:

   Reaping the benefits of Toastmasters takes time and repeated practice, but it is the most effective way to manage or overcome your fear, making the other tips on this list easier to use for momentous speeches.

Feeling nervous before a speech is a normal and healthy response. However, if you feel that your nervousness and anxiety are holding you back from being the best you can be, these techniques can help you tame the ravenous saber-toothed tiger in your brain, so you can get your nerves back under control.

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